Book Review: How to Honor Aging Parents

“As the sun sets, I pull up to the front of the retirement community in which my mother has lived for several years now… Before I go in… I stop, take a breath, gather my thoughts, and say a prayer. This book is an extension of that moment of preparation. Before we walk into the dwelling places of the elderly, before we make aged parents the object of our care and the subjects of our conversation, let’s stop, consider, and above all look up to the eternal Lord God…” (Making Good Return, page 1)

The above is taken from the first page of Kathleen Nielson’s book Making Good Return. The rest of the book continues on this theme – fixing ours eyes first on the Lord, then considering what he has shown us in Scripture about honoring the aging, and lastly applying that wisdom to our own lives as we love and care for our aging parents.

I appreciate Kathleen’s honesty as she shares the ups and downs of caring for her aging mother who lives in a different state. In her stories you catch glimpses of how she’s navigated complicated situations and helped steer her mother toward choices that honor her, uphold her dignity, and respect her work. Even that last part about work seems counterintuitive at first. Her mother is in a nursing home after all! What kind of work can she do? But Kathleen helps us tweak our definitions of things and align them more to what God says.

“As redeemed followers of Christ, we work for him, by his power and for his glory: ‘We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them’ (Ephesians 2:10). Walking in those good works by the power of Christ does not end in this life, for as long as we are consciously able.” (pg. 54)

Kathleen’s discussion about work and respecting the work of the elderly really struck me and led to some good conversations with people in my life. As our loved ones age, the work they do changes. Often they struggle with the loss of identity associated with their earlier career or even the things they once loved to do, but now cannot, due to changes in physical or cognitive health. How can we as their children, grandchildren, or other loved ones help them see that God has still given them good work to accomplish? How do we help them find “work” that feels meaningful to them? And how do we show appreciation and respect toward the work they are able to do? 

These are just some of the types of questions and topics that Kathleen walks us through in her book. I also appreciated her chapter dedicated to responding with compassion toward our aging loved ones. Frustration can be present on both sides of the relationship, especially as communication becomes more challenging and perceptions of what is “urgent” can be very different. She shares about the things that her elderly mother would consider a crisis and would frantically want solved. Those were sometimes things that Kathleen saw as not that big of a deal, or things that other caregivers could easily fix for her mother. She didn’t always understand why her mother wanted “her” to be the one fixing the problems. But learning to see her mother through God’s perspective, grew her compassion and patience with her mom and led to better communication and understanding. 

These are the types of things I want to remember in the years to come. As my husband and I seek to honor our parents and love them well, we want to lean on Christ and ask God to help us see them the way He does. 

If you have the same goals, then I highly recommend Kathleen’s book: Making Good Return. 

You can grab a copy HERE. 

And leave me a comment, have you read the book yet? If you are ordering it, what do you hope to get from it? 

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