Facing Death, Being Transformed, and the Hope of the Gospel

Today’s post is a book review of We Shall All Be Changed by Whitney Pipkin. I am not an affiliate and am not being compensated for this review or any book purchases you may make. I simply want to share gospel encouragement with my readers.

It is inevitable that we will be transformed when, and as, we lose a loved one. How we will be changed depends on where our hope is found. Whitney Pipkin, in her book We Shall All Be Changed, makes the case that the Gospel can be our anchor in the storm, and can move us through grief in a way that conforms us more to the image of Christ.

“Often, when we go to the Bible in the wake of death asking “Why?” its overarching storyline answers us with a different question: “Who?” Our grief and lament lead us, however painfully and slowly, to the Man of Sorrows Himself, a Savior so “acquainted with grief” that it defined Him (Isaiah 53:3).”

We Shall All Be Changed, page 32.

I mostly read this book in doctor waiting rooms and poolside during swim season this past summer. It was part memoir – about Ashley’s journey of losing her mother to cancer; and part spiritual formation – as she shares how the Gospel informs the way we die and the way we walk with others through their final days.

I appreciated her honesty as she shares about the good, bad and ugly sides of the dying process. She graciously walks the line between not wanting to “speak ill of the dead” but also not wanting to fall into the trap of glossing over the challenging aspects of our deceased loved ones. She’s honest about some of the difficult moments she had with her mom, and I think that honesty helps us more fully appreciate how complicated death is. Ashley is also open about the role of the caregiver in the dying process. I underlined the following paragraph as a reminder that it is okay as the caregiver to express how everything is impacting you:

“In case you need that same permission, let me extend it to you now: it’s okay to have your own trial spinning off of the trial your love one is experiencing. In fact, it is inevitable – even if you know others have it worse, even if you try to talk yourself out of how it’s impacting you. Suffering isn’t always relative. Sometimes it just is.”

page 55

And on page 129 she talks about how, as caregivers, we put high expectations on ourselves. We want to do everything right, but rarely are we able to be there for our loved one exactly in the way we hope. Work, other family members, our own needs all make it impossible for us to meet every need of our loved one. She reminds us that none of our loved ones have “suffered beyond the sight of the One who feeds every bird and adorns every flower” (pg. 129). Her words are an encouragement to weary caregivers, or those of us who have regrets.

In the end Ashley reminds us that earthly death isn’t the end of a believers story. She quotes one of my favorite songs by Sandra McCracken when she says “if this is not okay, then this is not the end”. Because when Christ returns all will be made well. This story of heartache isn’t over until all our tears have been wiped away. So if the tears and the pain are still here, then it simply means that the story isn’t yet over.

In regards to who should read this book… I can see that it could be painful to read this book if your own grief in losing your mom is still raw. But if time has passed, and you are wanting to experience more closure or process your loss in a gospel centered way – this this book could be helpful.

Perhaps the ideal reader is the one who hasn’t yet lost a parent. Our culture isn’t good about facing death, and even our churches often skirt the issue. I found it helpful to think through this inevitable future and how I hope to walk through those days. It gave me things to pray about, and concerns to take to the Lord. Hopefully it will prove to be a helpful resource so that I can serve my parents with grace.

Have you read this book yet? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Or if you’ve read another book on grief, I’d love for you to share it in the comments for me to look at!

If you want to pick up a copy of We Shall All Be Changed – you can grab it HERE.