Finding Joy in the Trenches of Caregiving

Rejoicing in Service

Philippians 2:17 “Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all.”

What do you do when your loved one doesn’t appreciate your care? For me, it can be easy to go one of two ways: grow bitter and resentful of the ministry of caregiving, or become puffed up with pride that you are persevering to care for someone so difficult and ungrateful.

In Philippians 2:17 the Lord offers us a third way. We can rejoice in the opportunity to pour out our lives for the sake of our loved one knowing that our work brings glory to the Lord, and may even impact the faith of those observing.

But we can’t take the third route on our own. It will require things that only the Holy Spirit can give us – namely humility and gratitude. We need the Holy Spirit to grow these within our hearts. If we try to serve out of our own strength, we are going to crash and burn. We will either lose our identity as beloved children of God in need of his tender shepherding, or we will become overwhelmed and resentful of our calling.

So who are we?

• A complex person made in the image of God with inherent value, God-ordained gifts, and legitimate needs.
• A person whose sin separated her from God, but (by God’s grace) whose faith in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus has united her with God and made her his beloved child.
• A person growing into the image of Christ as the Lord does his sanctifying work in her.
• A person capable of experiencing joy even in sorrow because of the hope she has in Christ.

We might need to sit with those definitions of who we are for a bit. When “caregiver” has become our label, it can be easy to forget that we are more than just that role. But the more we dwell on who God says we are, and the more honest we are of our need of Jesus, the easier it will be to lean into our role as caregiver and find joy in serving our loved ones.

Humility is rightly understanding who we are. It’s not about putting ourselves down and seeing ourselves as less than others. It’s about accepting who God says we are and not pretending we are something else. Having humility will lead us to see ourselves in our caregiver role, the way Jesus sees us. It will mean that we can “pour ourselves out as a drink offering” for the sake of our loved one, and still not lose sight of our own valid needs and desires.

Along with humility, the Holy Spirit wants to develop grateful hearts in us. A deep appreciation for this calling, and for Christ’s strength at work in our weakness. The more we take our needs to Christ, the more God will show us his provision. The more we see God at work, the more our hearts will be full of gratitude for all that God has done, is doing, and will do.

That gratitude changes our perspective of serving as well. Now “pouring ourselves out as a drink offering” becomes a source of joy as we see our efforts as a part of God’s bigger story for the redemption of our world. We get a front row seat to God’s character and mission. And we may even get to see those around us come to faith.

Yes, it is difficult and hurtful when our loved one doesn’t appreciate or understand the ways we are serving them. But by humbly and gratefully gazing at Christ, our loved ones’ opinion of our service will fade, and we will care more about walking with God in this ministry of caregiving than whether our loved one showers us with appreciation. May we be able to rejoice in the opportunity to do this good work.

And may joy become an interwoven piece of our complex caregiving stories.