Grieving Well: Lament, Pray, Watch

“That discomfort you’re feeling today is grief”.

That’s the title of an article written a couple days ago by Scott Berinato for the Harvard Business Review. ( https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief )

Berinato writes about how we are all experiencing various forms of loss right now – and it is resulting in a collective grief – where everyone is simultaneously navigating these uncomfortable emotions. He then gives some tips for managing your grief – things like calling your grief what it is, letting go of what you can’t control, and being extra compassionate towards those around you (since they are grieving too).

That is good and healthy advice!

But we don’t have to simply manage our grief. We can lament, pray and watch and can allow our grief to draw us closer to the Lord.

Lament

To lament means to express grief or mourn deeply. Some synonyms include weep and moan. (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/lament?s=t)

What are you grieving today because of COVID-19?

Every loss – regardless of the size – is a whisper of the ultimate loss which is death.

And those emotions of grief – are your soul recognizing that this world is not as it should be.

Sometimes as Christians we think we should ignore those emotions or gloss over them with a smile. But really as Christians we should be modeling how to grieve in the best way.

We can grieve well because we fully understand the story of redemption explained by God through the Bible. We know that God created our world in perfect peace and love and harmony. We know that the sin of humans is what brought brokenness and sickness and death into God’s perfect creation. And we know that God had a plan from even before the world was made – to set it all right again.

And that plan is, and has always been, Jesus.

God has promised over and over that he is going to restore this world. And that promise allows us to lament in a unique way. Our grief can be both devoid of bitterness and full of hope.

Our lament is also different than the world’s because it is a conversation. We are not just moaning to ourselves, we are crying out to God.

Pray

That leads us to the next step. Healthy lament always includes prayer.

As Christians – not only do we know this world isn’t how it was meant to be – but we also have full confidence that it won’t always be this way.

Having that end in mind – we can pray with expectation and confidence that God will not only hear our prayers but that he will delight in answering them.

I have no problem believing that God CAN answer our prayers. But I often have to remind myself that God WANTS to answer our prayers. That he delights in us as his image bearers – and he loves to give us good gifts.

When we trust that God not only can hear us, but is actively listening to us and responding to our prayers – we can pray for both the big and little things. And we can trust that God will answer us in good ways.

The tricky part is that our definition of good is not always the same as God’s definition. We have a much smaller perspective and view of our lives and of the world as a whole. We want immediate relief from feelings of grief and the circumstances that caused those feelings. But God knows the whole story and sometimes he chooses to have things play out in a way that seems contradictory to our feelings.

That’s where we have to remind ourselves of God’s good and perfect character. God never does evil or wrong. He always works for our good and for His glory.

Watch

I know most people are scared to read the book of Job. They fear it will be too depressing. But I love Job! He is so honest and relate-able! And we get a good picture of how God responds to lament.

“Keep listening to the thunder of his voice
    and the rumbling that comes from his mouth.”

Elihu speaking to Job in Job:37:2

If you’ve never read Job – it is about a man named Job who loses everything. All of his children die. He loses his house, and his wealth. He endures great physical pain and sickness. Overtime he even loses his friends and community.

Throughout the book, Job laments. He cries out to God in grief. At the beginning he laments well – without bitterness and with hope. But over time his lament changes and he begins to doubt God’s good character and love.

At the end of the book, when Job is at his lowest point, God finally answers his prayers. Just like a modern day movie would depict a sorrowful character – a storm brews above Job’s head. And it is out of that whirlwind that God shows up.

But he doesn’t come in like a genie and start fixing things according to Job’s demands. Instead he gives Job something far better. God gives himself.

God shows up. God speaks. He draws near to Job and reveals indescribable parts of his character.

It might not make sense to us, and to be honest you might not believe me… but there really is nothing better than knowing God in a personal way. And God knows that.

So watch for Him.

Just like you might stand on your porch and watch a storm coming across the sky – now is the time to watch for the Lord to show up.

This time of isolation, loss, and anxiety, is our modern day storm and God is using it to give us time, space and silence so we can get to know Him better.

I believe with all my heart that God will answer our prayers for our losses to be restored. But before he does that – He is going to give us himself.

As we walk through these days of grief – let’s lament without bitterness. Let’s pray with hope. And let’s watch for the thunder of God’s voice and the rain of his grace.

Love to you,

Marissa