On Motherhood, Sanctification, and Leading Stiff-Necked People

Have you ever encouraged a weary mom friend by saying something like, “you’re the perfect mom for your kids!”?

I’ve said that to friends and to myself many times over the years in an attempt to calm my heart and the rising anxiety when I didn’t know what I was doing. I still think that statement is true. God has chosen us to be the mom for our kids, and God doesn’t make mistakes, so even though we aren’t perfect moms, we are the perfect moms for our kids.

The problem with this is that it’s not quite the whole truth. I may be God’s perfect plan of a mom for my girls, but my girls are also God’s perfect plan of children for me. Just as God will sovereignly and compassionately use me (gifts, talents, failures and all) to point my kids toward Jesus – so too has he predestined my girls to point my heart toward Jesus.

The unique trials my kids face, and the creative way they need to be mothered are actually part of God’s profound plan of sanctification for my wayward heart. When they push me to the edge, God doesn’t want me to cry out, “You’ve made a mistake here!”, but rather, “Oh Jesus be near!”

Some women and I were recently talking about Moses leading the “stiff-necked” Israelites for years and years with no clear resolution in site. We talked about how not only was Moses the leader God wanted for his people, but the stubborn people were exactly who God wanted for Moses. Moses was God’s beloved, just as much as Moses’ followers were. God cared about how Moses was transformed into the likeness of his Creator. And God purposefully and lovingly chose the Israelites to be part of that sanctification process.

Do I see my kids as gifts in that way? Do I see their struggles, their waywardness, their “stiff-necked” behavior as part of God’s plan to lovingly draw me closer to himself? Or do I simply feel discouraged, frustrated, and annoyed when leading these girls isn’t going smoothly?

This is a heart shift that I’m working through… reframing parenting struggles so that I can move from feeling discouraged, to being grateful.

What about you? Does this resonate with your parenting journey? What is one way you could reframe parenting trials this week?