Seeking the Imperishable Beauty of a Gentle and Quiet Spirit

What do you think of when you read the following verses?

“Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.”

1 Peter 3:3-4

Much has been made of these verses and many rules have been created to curb the external adornment of women in the church. But I wonder if we have been too narrow in our assessment of what is being said here. Why were the women so focused on their external appearance in the first place? I don’t believe the problem was that people were telling these women, “you look beautiful this morning!” After all there is nothing sinful in looking your best and celebrating the beautiful things (our bodies included) that God has made*.

No, I think the issue ran deeper. It was about doing whatever they could to find their approval, worth, and value in how other people treated them, and the things other people believed about them. It was an issue of identity. The women being written about were doing everything they could externally to win the approval of those around them, and had forgotten where their true identity is found.

This means that the “external adorning” mentioned in verse 3 goes beyond the clothes, make-up, jewelry, work-out regimen etc. that we may employ today. It might be those things, but also encompasses all the ways we present ourselves: as competent in our jobs, experts in our parenting, wise in our roles at church, energetic in our volunteer task at school, and more. It means that all the efforts we go through to look like we “have it together” are really just external adornment for the purpose of seeking the praise of people over the praise of God.

The women in my church have been reading “Identity Theft” this summer and at the end of chapter 7 it asks this question:

“What would it look like practically to pursue the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit?”

And here was how I processed this question in my journal:

1. Turn away from striving to meet external standards (of beauty, parenting, etc.)
2. Remember I do not need the approval of others for my worth/value (as much as I may want it)
3. Seek to love God more every day
4. Long for the Lord’s approval of me instead of people approval
5. Remember that I already have God’s approval because of Christ (Hallelujah!!!)
6. Stop striving for God’s approval (or longing for it, or hoping for it – because I have it!)
7. Settle into my identity as “approved” because Jesus died for me and covered me with his righteousness
8. The more I settle into that identity and believe that God approves of me, delights in me, sees me as competent for the tasks he’s given me, trusts me to stay near to him and glorify him, etc. the quieter my spirit becomes.
9. The quieter my spirit becomes the gentler I will become –> because I won’t need to force anyone around me to fit a specific mold –> because I don’t need them to save my external appearance before others.

What freedom there is to release my grasp on external appearances and settle into my already identity as God’s beloved daughter.

• Now I am free to walk in obedience because I trust that is God’s best for me (rather than obeying to get his approval).
• Now I am free to let God do his redeeming work in my children (rather than force my collection of square pegs into round holes).
• Now I am free to say “yes” or “no” to various opportunities based on the margin God has given me, the things he’s already put on my plate, and my deep need for rest (rather than feel trapped to give a certain answer based on what others might think).

What additional thoughts do you have on these verses? Is anything above freeing to you? Do you have square pegged children too? 🙂

Come back in a couple days because I’m going to share a recipe with you that a dear friend sent me. I promise it is going to help you get through the rest of August. And it’ll be a much lighter post than this one. 😉

Love, marissa

(*Throwing in a note here for the new readers – I’ve not been to seminary, I’m not a trained theologian, I’m a mom, a follower of Christ, a child of God, a member of a reformed PCA church, who believes that the Bible is the authoritative Word of God and that everything in it is right, good and for the purpose of us knowing and loving God. Anytime I share my thoughts on Scripture – I hope you will then go and wrestle through them yourself, asking your local pastor and wise mentors if you have questions.)