The Hidden Life of Cancer Moms

Well life just got a little crazier didn’t it?

Things that used to be easy and convenient have become challenging. Schedules and routines have been upended. Bleach, soap, and washing all the things have taken over your days.

Social distancing. Quarantine. Living tucked away in your home and unable to go to your favorite places and see your favorite people.

Fear of getting sick. Fear of your loved ones getting sick. Wondering what circumstances will require you to calmly call your doctor vs. frantically rush to the ER.

Welcome to the hidden life of a cancer mom.

There are some things that are visible to others when your child is going through cancer. People see the hair loss. They hear about the hospital stays and the scans and some surface level details about the treatments.

They might notice that your child is missing school and your family is missing community activities.

They pray alongside you for healing and health and stamina and peace.

But there is a whole lot that happens behind the scenes that cancer moms don’t talk much about.

With the social changes happening right now for so many – you are getting a little taste of how cancer moms live (not for a few weeks, but for months or years).

And in addition to the things you can now sympathize with, here are a few more behind the scenes details that cancer moms may not tell you about:

A Cancer Mom has hospital bags packed and waiting at all times, in case her child has an emergency.

She has a medical binder with every detail of her child’s medical history.

She has her child’s doctors on speed dial.

She has a V.I.P. card for the local ER that allows her child to bypass the waiting room and get immediately admitted.

She shops at the store at odd hours when there are fewer people. She would never dream of taking her kids into a store where someone may cough on them (and germs could be brought home). And she always always always wipes down the cart before using it.

When she brings groceries home she might even wipe down the boxes, cans, and bags before putting them away.

Her medicine cabinet is always fully stocked. And she can measure dosages, administer meds, change bandages, flush lines, and do a whole host of things as well as any trained nurse. It’s her child’s life after all – and she is extremely motivated to get it right every time.

She has thermometers in multiple rooms of the house. And if she sees 100.4 (while most moms are telling their kids to go lay down and rest), a cancer mom is grabbing the hospital bag, the binder, and her child all while talking to the doctor on speaker phone and simultaneously texting a sitter to come watch the other kids.

A Cancer Mom knows medical terms and definitions as well as the doctors. She can read the studies, and the reports, and any imaging done on her child.

She can sleep even with beeps and buzzers and bright lights.

She knows how to both show immense gratitude to medical staff, and fiercely advocate to that same staff on behalf of her child.

If her family is allowed to travel – she will work with her child’s doctor to make sure the local hospital is aware that her child will be in the area in case of an emergency.

She will disinfect the hotel room before anyone else steps foot inside – even perhaps bringing her own sheets and towels.

She will miss out on a lot of things. Her family will miss out on a lot of things. But you won’t hear her complaining much. It’s her child’s life on the line. Instead she’ll make the most of it.

And in the process of a more isolated life – a Cancer Mom starts to re-prioritize things. She gains a different perspective on what is most important to her and her family. She isn’t afraid to shed the excess and the good in favor of the best. She may even come to see beauty in the forced season of pruning.

A Cancer Mom is overflowing with love, and strength and bravery. But she probably does not realize it. While so much of what she does is hidden to others – her character is hidden to herself.

So be strong today friends. Embrace your new routine. Seek out beauty in the midst of what feels broken. Speak the hidden things to one another. The Lord promises to be strong when we are at our weakest. He promises to use all circumstances for our good. He fights for us and equips us to fight for one another.

To any Cancer Mom who reads this – those in the thick of treatments, or are post-treatment, or are bereaved – I see you. I know this COVID-19 season feels simultaneously familiar, and also may be triggering memories that feel overwhelming. Give yourself grace.

And give others grace. You know how to handle these times – but they are just learning. Use this time to speak truth and hope to your friends. Let them know they’re going to make it. That they are strong and brave too.

I am praying for your kids who are still in the middle of their battle. That they may stay strong and win their fights. And I’m praying for you – that you will have peace, endurance, and all that you need in this season.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18:2

So much love and many air hugs to each of you. You’ve got this – because the Lord has got you.

Love, Marissa