When Our Faith is Shaking

 (This devotional was originally posted in the Christian Parents of Kids with Cancer Support Group)                                             

So the men turned from there and went toward Sodom, but Abraham still stood before the Lord. Then Abraham drew near and said, “Will you indeed sweep away the righteous with the wicked?” (emphasis mine).

Genesis 18:22-23 (ESV)

Along the pediatric cancer journey, it is common to face doubts regarding our faith. How do we navigate this? How do we cling to faith when we feel weary and broken and abandoned?   

In Genesis 18:22-33, we get a glimpse into what a relationship with God can look like. In verse 23, Abraham and the Lord are standing together and it says “then Abraham drew near and said…”. From there Abraham and God engage in a discussion about showing mercy to the people of Sodom.

Sometimes we forget that God has personhood. He has emotions, a character, and thoughts. He acts, he decides, he guides, and he teaches. In our prayers we can fall into the trap of thinking God is simply an influence*. That we can somehow control him by having the right words, posture, or system. That if we can just channel him correctly then he’ll influence things the way we see fit.

But if we treated our friends that way, they’d scatter fast. Not that God is going to leave us, but he’s definitely not going to be controlled by us!

Instead, God invites us to draw near. Just like Abraham we are invited to step in close and pour out our hearts.

I’ve always wondered about this interaction in Genesis 18. Was Abraham changing God’s mind? Did Abraham somehow convince God to do something?

Abraham was asking God to extend mercy toward underserving people. And God’s character is always bent toward mercy and grace. It wasn’t that Abraham was changing God’s mind. It was that God was using this discussion to reveal his character (his perfect justice and his perfect mercy) more fully to Abraham.

When we pray for our child’s health or our finances or our struggling marriage – we often approach God with a desire to control the outcome. Instead, what if we brought him our requests with a desire to see more of God’s character on display?

What if drawing near, was the invitation God offers to reveal his vast love for us and our families? What if God wants to show us his unending mercy and grace through his ways and not our own?

I am so thankful for those of you in this group who have admitted their struggling faith – even doubting if God is real anymore.

Sometimes these faith struggles come when we are trying to control God and fit him into a box we’ve constructed.

Instead of starting with our hard circumstances and trying to find where God is… what if we started with God?

What if we began by planting our feet on the promises of God’s unending love and abounding grace toward us, and then ask him where pediatric cancer, loneliness, broken marriages, death, and financial hardship fit in to his plan of mercy?

This isn’t easy, and it’s not a quick fix to our weary hearts, or wavering faith. But I promise it will be worth it. When our faith feels shaky, let’s start with God’s love for us – and move out from there.

*Read more about this topic in Catherine Marshall’s book The Helper