When You Want Me to Talk to Your Friend

One of my favorite things is hearing from you! I love reading your messages and hearing your stories. I am encouraged when you share how you were impacted by something I’ve written. And I get such joy from sharing the hope of Jesus from my weary heart to yours!

You also regularly reach out to me to ask if I would be willing to talk to “your friend” whose child has been diagnosed with a medical issue.

My answer is always “yes” – I am honored, and happy to encourage your friend in whatever way she is comfortable.

However, my experience is that about 75% of the time, your friend does not want to talk to me.

I could not be less offended by this!

I’ve been in her shoes and I understand how overwhelming it is to get a hard diagnosis and then fumble through each subsequent day. It took me about a year and a half before I was ready to talk to another mom who had walked a similar road.

For me I was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I was terrified another mom would over-share her hard things with me and I would crumble under the weight of despair. I did not think I’d be able to process someone else’s story in a healthy way – and it didn’t occur to me that they might just want to pray for me and encourage me.

Your friend is overwhelmed too. And I am a stranger to her and may feel like a threat to her already shaky ground.

So here is my general response to you if you want me to reach out to your friend:

I am happy to reach out to her…

But YOU are the friend she knows and trusts and you have been placed in this unique position to serve her and love her and point her to the ultimate source of comfort.

I can not emphasize enough that you are now treading on the holy ground of intercession and service.

You may not understand the medical terms she is using. You may not understand the logistics she is walking through. You may feel overwhelmed and uncertain.

But I promise – that God has called you to be his hands and feet and He will equip you to walk this road with your friend.

You are not meant to meet her needs on your own. In fact, you can’t do it on your own. But God has given you two crucial things: Himself, and His Body in the form of the local church.

Lean into Jesus. He is the one who is ultimately going to meet all the needs of your friend – but He wants to use you for this holy and beautiful work. So serve her from a place of peace – that you don’t have to make her pain go away. You don’t have to fix anything. Jesus is the one who is going to do that. You get to serve, and pray, and watch the miracles unfold.

Lean also into your local church. If your friend is part of a church this is the time for them to rally around her and her family. If she is not part of a church, this is the time to show her the depth of God’s love through the miracle that is a bunch of broken and desperate people who have been unified through Christ – their ultimate Healer. Bring her into this gift and let her be overwhelmed by how the body of Christ cares for the hurting.

There will be a time when your friend will benefit from talking to other moms who have walked her road. And maybe down the line she’ll want to talk to me, or read something I’ve written. But right now she mostly needs YOU and the unique ways God has gifted you to serve her.

I encourage you to look at my resource page, to read this post on loving your hurting friends, and to PRAY for God to show you how to serve your friend in the ways she most needs right now.

Please keep reaching out to me – I will always do my best to answer your questions, and I am always happy to reach out to your friend if/when she is ready for that. But know, that it is YOU God has called to the precious task of interceding through prayer, serving in tangible ways, and pouring the hope of the gospel over her weary heart.

I’m so thankful for each of you and the ways God is using you to accomplish his glorious work. Keep pressing into Him friends!