A Different World

“I continue to pray for Alice and her treatment. I know that you feel like you are living in a different world than everyone else. It does not seem like it is almost November. That is a very strange feeling. I know that you know that we all love you and I hope that helps. Take care and trust in the Lord.”

Rob and I got the above email earlier this week from a friend of ours, who has been through his own hard medical struggles, and it accurately put to words so many things I’ve been feeling, that I burst into tears out of relief that someone “gets it”. 

It was also a reminder to myself of the fact that I don’t want to get lost in this “different world” we find ourselves in. I don’t want to get out of this season and say “what just happened?” I want to intentionally seek God’s purpose, and goodness in the middle of this strange place. 

It is weird that time goes on, life keeps happening, weddings, traditions, holidays and celebrations and even simple things like the trash men keep coming by… life doesn’t stop because we are focused on the next Dr visit, or what medication needs to be refilled this week, or whether it’s ok to let our child put their hand in the candy bucket that 40 other kids just put their hand in… 

But from the beginning we didn’t want to simply put our heads down and power through this season. For one, we knew from the moment we heard “cancer” that we couldn’t make it through on our own power…

But two, we also knew from the beginning that God is good and kind and even gentle… and that He would teach us and mold us through this… no matter how hard it would be. 

Perhaps this is a season of pruning for us… because in His kindness He knows that sometimes we need seasons of simply abiding… not focusing our energy on doing and accomplishing and producing, but instead spending our days trusting and praying and searching His Word, so that our roots can grow deeper and stronger. 

And there is nothing quite like a crisis to make us stop our striving and force us to just sit at the feet of Jesus and say, or cry, “be enough”… because He is enough. 

So with all those jumbled thoughts in my head and heart… 

I am thankful that we got to be present at my brother’s wedding last weekend. I am thankful I got to hug my new sister on the morning of her wedding and welcome her officially to our family. I am thankful that I got to share memories of my brother at the rehearsal dinner and tell my new sister about the wonderful man she married. I am thankful for the hugs and smiles and short but precious conversations I was able to have with aunts, uncles, cousins and my Grandpa. I am thankful I got to see my brother’s face in person as he watched his bride walk down the aisle toward him. I am thankful for the dance floor where my girls were able to dance and not think about cancer for a few minutes…

And then last night… I am thankful for costumes and fancy princess wigs and friends that treat us like family and the happiness that a bucket full of candy brings. And I’m thankful that we were healthy and able to participate in the festivities… 

And I’m thankful for these precious faces. These girls who are learning that the world is scary… but we can take heart for Jesus has overcome the world. May our roots grow deep and strong in this season of abiding and trusting. May we not get lost in this strange world but keep our eyes focused on the God who holds us in the palm of his hand. 

Love, m

P.S. Chemo #9 is in the morning
P.P.S. We are officially moving in to our house this weekend 
P.S.x3 Alice’s princess wig was a gift from The Magic Yarn Project… and all of you crafty people should look into it – they are pretty amazing and all hand made by volunteers around the country for kids with cancer!