Our Children’s Tantrums and the Heart of God

Once again, I had reached my limit, and declared a “mommy-time-out”.

The never-ending needs of my four young girls had worn me down. I felt drained of all the patience, kindness, and gentleness that I knew they needed.

With four girls ages 9, 7, 4, and 1, there is a wide range of concerns brought to me each day. Everything from dirty diapers to friend drama, from terrifying nightmares to anxiety caused by medical trauma.

That day, the 7 year old was struggling. Doctor appointments are frequent and challenging for her. We had just come home from her third appointment that week and all her pent-up anxiety had been subsequently poured at my feet in the form of an all-out tantrum.

I knew what she needed me to do for her in that moment. She needed me to sit on the floor with her, and let her express all her feelings. She needed me to listen, quietly and patiently until she had fully expressed herself. She needed me to then gently walk alongside her to clean up whatever mess she had made in the process. She needed me to hug her and go through our routine of calming her back down after her emotions had been poured out.

I knew what she needed. But I was exhausted. I didn’t feel like sitting in the middle of a tantrum because of how much they wear me down. And I felt discouraged. How many more tantrums would we ride through together? Will they ever end?

I wish I had been able to sit with her… but instead I felt anger rising up and I knew that if I stayed with her I would not be the patient, gentle mom she needed in that moment.

Instead I went to my closet.

The floor was messy and unorganized. But it was quiet. And there, hiding behind a row of old Vacation Bible School t-shirts, I sat in “time out”.

What does it mean to you that God invites you to cast your worries onto him?

Too often, I approach God with the hesitancy of one who doesn’t want to be a burden. I picture Him in my shoes with children tugging His clothes and throwing tantrums at His feet and I am afraid I’m going to drive Him into His closet where He will shut the door and block out my cries.

So instead, I bring polite requests to Him, “please God, if you could – I mean if you want to – you know, if it’s your will – can you, will you, please….?”

But, when God invites us to give Him our worries – is He expecting us to be on our best behavior?

When we read some of David’s Psalms – are we reading the measured, calm words of someone not wanting to make a scene? Or are we getting a front row seat to the true, unfiltered emotions of a child crying out to his Father?  

“I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears.” 
-Psalm 6:6 (NLT)

These are real emotions, real tears, real pleading with the Lord.

Sound familiar?  

To me it sounds much closer to my children’s tantrums than to the prayers I pray.

How does God respond?

Does he run and hide in the closet?

“The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer.”
-Psalm 6:9 (NLT)

God hears. God accepts David’s cries. And God answers him.

There is no running away. No hiding. Only gentleness, patience and love.

We have a tendency to make God into our own image. It’s usually unintentional. We simply assume that God reacts, feels, thinks, and moves in the ways we do.

If I get bothered by the cries of my children. If they exhaust me, discourage me or anger me – then I fall into the assumption that God must also get tired, discouraged and angry with my cries to Him.

The main benefit of reading Scripture is that we learn about the true character of God. The more we read His Words, the less God looks like us.

And the less God looks like us, the more deeply we can rest in His unchangeable, inexhaustible holiness and love.

Here are three ways God is NOT like a mother who needs a time-out from her children:

1.God never grows weary:

“Have you never heard?
    Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
    No one can measure the depths of his understanding.”
- Isaiah 40:28 (NLT)

“He will not let you stumble;
    the one who watches over you will not slumber.
Indeed, he who watches over Israel
    never slumbers or sleeps.”
-Psalm 121:3-4

How amazing is that?! God never gets tired and he never needs to “recharge”! That means there is nothing we can do that will wear him down!

We can’t pray too much. We can’t cry too much. We can’t fuss, complain, or express our opinions too emotionally to Him. Our cries to the Lord will NOT exhaust Him!

This also means that God doesn’t need to take a spa day, or go for a long walk in silence, or have a “night off”. He doesn’t need to take a nap, or have a glass of wine, or take anti-anxiety medication. This is good news!

2.God doesn’t get discouraged:

“He will not grow weak or be discouraged
until He has established justice on earth.”
-Isaiah 42:4a

God’s work is finished, and yet is not finished at the same time. Yes, Jesus our Redeemer and Savior has come. Yes, His death and resurrection have reconciled us to God and have paid the price for our sinful waywardness. But at the same time God is still fully redeeming the world and is still forming us into the image of Christ. That work won’t be finished until Jesus comes again.

In the meantime, God does not grow discouraged. He does not get weak. He does not get so frustrated with us that he storms off into another room and shuts the door.

His patience and endurance are far deeper than we can grasp. And he continues to be optimistic and joyful even when we bring our big feelings before Him.

3. God doesn’t get angry and lose His temper when we cry to Him:

There are a lot of passages in Scripture that talk about God’s anger. But they are all in reference to sin. God righteously gets angry at the things that separate His children from Himself. But – He never shows anger toward any who come to Him. Even the most grievous sinner – when they come to Him with repentance and humbleness, God always graciously and compassionately draws them near.

"As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him."
-Psalm 103:13 (ESV)

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
-Hebrews 4:16 (ESV)

On the other hand, my anger is not singularly aimed at my children’s sin. It comes out toward their sin, yes, but also when they inconvenience me, or interrupt my plans, or express themselves in ways that are irritating and exhausting.

It is good news that God is compassionate toward us, and that we can confidently approach Him in our time of need!

God invites us to give Him all our concerns (in their raw, un-edited form). And when we give Him our concerns, we can do it with the confidence that we are not burdening Him in any way!

So, what is the practical application of these truths in the everyday life of a weary mom?

Here are two things to remember the next time your child(ren) cast their cares on you:

1.Use it as an opportunity to thank God that He is the one who ultimately meets the needs of your children, and of you.

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:19 (HCSB) 

Knowing that it is the Lord who supplies the patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, physical needs, and emotional needs for our kids – frees us to serve them and listen to their cries without feeling the burden of “fixing” it all.

We get to rest in the knowledge that God is their ultimate caretaker – and He is our caretaker as well. And then we get to more joyfully participate in His good work of redemption and love in the lives of our children.

2. Use it as a reminder of how God wants you to approach Him. He prefers us to be like needy children, being willing to pour our hearts out before Him.

Our children cry and cling to our legs because they know that we love them and will eventually meet their needs. If they didn’t think we would respond – they’d stop asking!

So too, when we bring our requests to God it is an act of faith and trust in Him – we are telling him that we know God is powerful enough to meet our needs, and loving enough to delight in meeting our needs!

Praise God that He doesn’t need a time-out from us!

He doesn’t need to recharge after we’ve unburdened ourselves to him.

He doesn’t lose his patience.

And He doesn’t need to take deep breaths before responding to our outbursts.

God doesn’t hide in closets either!

Will you bring your truest emotions and thoughts to the King of Kings? Will you trust Jesus with the unedited parts of yourself?

Go ahead and take that mom time-out! But while you’re in there take a minute to thank God that he never needs a time-out from you. 🙂