Can You “Take Back” That Painful Anniversary?

We’ve been talking about having grace toward ourselves and our families when those painful anniversaries come up on the calendar.

This year, as our family anticipated the month of August (which is when we have lot of hard anniversaries) we decided to take an offensive position against the inevitable anxiety.

I had seen other pediatric cancer moms declare “take back days”. This is where they “take back” the day their child was diagnosed with cancer and turn it into a positive day by giving back or doing something fun as a family.

This year was the 3rd anniversary of our daughter’s diagnosis and I was ready (or so I thought) to try doing something to “take back” that day ourselves!

Our treating clinic is always in need of supplies for the art room or for sensory toys for kids getting poked (you can’t imagine how hard it is to access the port of a screaming, terrified four year old… – unless you are one of my pediatric cancer momma readers 😉 – so I thought it’d be good for us to collect items to take over there.

But then one day in July as we were driving in the car Alice asked her sisters: “Were you scared when I had cancer?”

As I began to pray silently and discreetly wipe the tears off my face, I also listened to the emotional conversation taking place behind me.

By the end of the car ride, our oldest daughter Claire had decided a new “take back” plan. She wanted to raise money for research so that “no other families will ever have to be scared like we were” (her words).

I have to admit – this threw me a bit. First of all, I already had a plan! And like Rob would tell you, I can be slow in adjusting course!

But second – she wanted to raise $16,000 (!!!) and that just seemed like way too much money for us to be able to raise.

Oh friends! Before I could interrupt her or talk her into something “easier”, God reminded me that he is the Redeemer – it is his joy and delight to bring beauty from ashes and to redeem the broken and hard things. And this passion in my daughter’s heart was a reflection of God’s passion for redemption!

“…to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
    to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
    the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
    the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3

So instead of holding on to my plan, I let my 9 year old pave the way for how our family was going to “take back” our painful anniversary.

And would you believe it? She raised MORE than her goal!!

As you look at that hard date coming up – do you feel ready to participate in God’s redemption plan for you and for our world at large? Do you feel ready to “take back” your painful anniversary?

It doesn’t have to be big (in fact next week we’ll talk about how sometimes we just aren’t ready and we need to simply rest in letting Jesus redeem our days for us). But maybe you do feel up to doing something this time around?

Here are a few ideas:

1. Fundraise for your loved one’s medical condition
2. Do a service project in honor of the person you lost
3. Collect needed items for a local charity
4. Write and mail a letter to someone who served you during that hard season
5. Draw/paint/write to creatively express your feelings

Whether you are ready to “take back” your day or not – remember that your pain and sorrow are not hidden from the Lord. He loves you. And he sees you.

And if you do feel ready – then thank God that he allows us to participate in his redemptive work!

May you be encouraged today to know that Jesus is redeeming the pain in your life.