Is There Space for Both Grief and Joy at Christmas?

Why is December always so hard? Blaming it on the busyness of the season doesn’t seem quite fair. After all, there are other times of the year that are full of events and expectations and to-do lists.

December seems to bring a weightiness to everything. Emotions are amplified. Grief and joy are experienced in tandem, but also in competition.

It is challenging to know how to walk through a first Christmas without a loved one; or while navigating difficult family relationships; or mourning hopes and dreams not yet realized.

But simultaneous to our grief, there is joy in celebrations and traditions and happy memories. We see people we love and reflect on the wonder and beauty of God’s nearness to us.

Yet, experiencing both so much grief and so much joy at the same time is exhausting.

There is a popular phrase used right now: “holding space” for someone. It is used to refer to giving someone permission or a safe place to wrestle with hard things. It is our culture’s way of saying, “there is room for your questions, doubts, or concerns on this topic, even if other people make you feel like there isn’t”.

I like that phrase a lot and have personally used it, but if we are using it to describe one another, it will inevitably fall short. We can’t possible “hold space” for each other in a perfect, loving, compassionate, and beneficial way. We can try, and our attempts reflect the heart of God. But we need God himself to “hold space” for us – and Jesus does just that.

Looking to the Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:2

I love that verse in Hebrews 12 because it reminds us that Jesus experienced JOY as he anticipated, and walked through his season of suffering. It offers us a hope for our seasons of suffering too – that even in these hard times, we can still experience joy.

But Jesus didn’t only have joy… he also experienced deep grief and sorrow.

And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

John 22:41-44

Even as Jesus anticipated the resurrection and our redemption and the joy in those things – he also grieved to the point of asking God the Father if there was another way to accomplish this goal.

For us today, there is great comfort in knowing that Jesus perfectly held both of these experiences at the same time. It frees us from the lie that we shouldn’t be experiencing both ourselves. And it gives us someone who can perfectly “hold space” for us to swing back and forth on this “both/and” adventure.

In these next few days as you walk through Christmas and the end of December, take all the emotions and thoughts that seem to contradict each other and exhaust you in the process… take them all to Jesus. You might have to take them over and over, but that’s ok. Jesus never gets weary or burdened by our dumping things at his feet. He will perfectly hold all the things for you and make space for you to walk through Christmas in his love.

Just in case no one has told you this lately – Jesus loves you more than you know.

Grace, peace, and Merry Christmas friend,

Marissa