Let Jesus Redeem Your Painful Anniversary For You

August.

When Alice started feeling sick.

When we began asking questions.

When she was diagnosed.

When we first heard the word “cancer”.

When she had surgery to remove her tumor.

When we began her treatment process.

When our world flipped upside down.

That month is so packed full of big emotions I would rather just skip it altogether.

Last week I shared that we made a plan to “take back” the month of August as a family. We were going to collect items for our daughter’s treating clinic, but our oldest daughter Claire decided she wanted to raise money for pediatric cancer research. So we pivoted – as our family has learned to do – and set up a fundraiser so that friends and family and neighbors could join us in our fight against childhood cancer.

I’m thankful we had a physical thing to do. A task to put our hands to where we could feel like we are making a difference. But…

It didn’t make the pain of those days disappear.

And I recognize that doing something big like a fundraiser – that requires a level of coordinating and marketing and sharing out loud – isn’t something everyone is ready for (and frankly, now that we are on the other end – I’m not sure I was ready for either!).

Maybe you are a mom who is processing medical trauma, or a woman holding the broken pieces of your marriage, or a daughter mourning the loss of your parent, or you are a woman whose arms aren’t holding the baby you carried in your womb…

Maybe you are just treading water, and even your good days are too hard. Maybe a big “take back” activity is just not going to be possible right now. Maybe your grief is too raw this year, the pain too fresh (or fresher than you expected it to feel by now).

• Know that it’s ok to not feel ok.
• Know that it’s ok to pause and take deep breaths.
• Know that it’s ok to get off social media for a bit.
• Know that it’s ok to not compare yourself to the woman next to you who is handling her painful anniversary differently.

Try inviting Jesus in to your mess. Invite him to sit with you. Or visualize yourself walking toward him and sitting at his feet.

There is nothing in the Bible that says you have to do anything big to “take back” your hard anniversary.

You don’t have to scream your cause from the rooftop. You can simply take your day/week/ or month to Jesus.

Like a child who tearfully brings their broken treasure to their daddy and with quivering lips asks if he can glue it back together…

Take your broken day to the Lord. Ask him to redeem it. Let your lip quiver and your tears fall.

You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?

Psalm 56:8 (ESV)

As you prepare for your hard anniversary… let the Lord collect your tears. Let him keep track of your tossings, and record your pain in his book.

One day he will open that book and he will wipe away those tears and he will restore all your broken things.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Death will no longer exist;
grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer,
because the previous things have passed away.

Revelation 21:4

If you don’t feel up to “taking back” your day yet – hand the day to Jesus – let him “take it back” on your behalf.

Jesus is the great Redeemer. His heart is to restore our sinful hearts, to mend our broken world, to return his creation to its heavenly glory.

That means he delights in comforting your empty arms. He delights in filling your home with joy. He delights in softening the sharpness of the painful memories.

A pastor named Scotty Smith once told me that sometimes going and taking a nap is the most holy act we can do.

Because it demonstrates our dependence on the Lord – and humbly recognizes that we can’t fix things on our own.

We have to watch out for cynicism in our hearts. The hardness that comes about when we allow our pain to eclipse the truth of God’s goodness. The fear that maybe this time God won’t take care of me.

But we also have to watch out for naïve cheerfulness. The false smile that pretends like the pain itself isn’t real or isn’t worth acknowledging.

Instead, as Christians, we live in the middle.

• We feel the deep sting of our pain,
• While simultaneously having hope that the pain will not last forever.
• That Jesus is enough.
• That God himself is in control.
• That the Holy Spirit is our friend.

So as you prepare for your painful anniversary – maybe God is nudging you to “take it back” and work alongside him in his redemptive plans. Or maybe he’s encouraging you to lay your head down, and give the burden of redemption over to Jesus.

Talk to the Lord – and rest in what he shows you.

And let Jesus redeem your painful anniversary.