Writing Thank You Notes to Heal Your Hurting Heart

Painful anniversaries are so tricky aren’t they? We’ve talked about how they sneak up on you. How our bodies sometimes remember them even when your heads don’t.

We’ve talked about how “taking them back” can help us process and turn our mourning into something beautiful.

We’ve also recognized that it’s ok for us to hand the days over to Jesus and let him do the redeeming for us.

But today I wanted to share a small thing that I did this past year to help me deal with the painful calendar days.

And that is writing thank you notes.

Last year, as part of my sabbatical, I used a photo service to make custom cards. On the front was an updated picture of our family. On the inside were two pictures side by side. One of Alice in the middle of treatment, and one of her in present day – with her wild and beautiful curly hair.

I made a list of all the doctors and specialists who cared for her during her cancer battle, and one by one I wrote them each a note.

I told him or her how God had used their gifts and compassion and knowledge to participate in his healing work of our daughter. Expressing our gratitude for how they treated us with dignity and respect, and made our journey easier.

Those notes were a way for my heart to begin closing the door on that year of trauma. We still have doctor appointments, and follow-ups, and scans and all that… but the darkest part of the valley is past – and the physical act of closing those envelopes, sticking on stamps, and sending them out into the mail mirrored what I wanted to happen inside my heart.

And it turns out that the notes brought healing to her doctors as well. I received more than one tearful thank you in person or on the phone from her doctors. Men and women who now have our note in a special drawer at their office.

Real people who have hard days.

Who have the unthinkable task of giving parents heartbreaking news… day after day.

Who spend hours hunched over surgery tables, 100% focused on saving children’s lives.

Who need reminders that their work matters.

“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Ephesians 1:2

So often we treat doctors like they should be miracle workers. We expect so much out of them. We forget they are humans too. When they make a mistake or are a little sharp with their tone or don’t do what we want as fast as we want them to… as medical parents we can be so fast to become angry.

But maybe part of “taking back” your hard anniversary needs to include extending mercy and forgiveness and gratitude to the doctors that have cared for your child (or other loved one).

I know my heart is more at peace now that I’ve delivered those notes. My relationship with our doctors has strengthened and the mutual trust has grown.

So pray about your heart toward the doctors, and nurses, and other caregivers that have helped you along this painful journey… and ask the Lord if you should send a note this week.

(Please also know that I have heard so many stories of people who have not had good interactions with their doctors. Doctors who missed diagnosis, who shrugged off parent concerns, who put children in danger due to negligence etc. I am aware of those stories – and I know that writing thank you notes is not going to fix the hurt and trauma caused by those interactions. If that is you today – please know that I am not judging you or offering a band aide for your gaping wound. The hurt you’ve experienced requires the deep and abiding work of Jesus. Only the Lord – through his mercy and grace will be able to walk you through all of that pain. But he can, and he will. So instead of writing a thank you note to the doctor that hurt you – maybe start by writing a thank you note to the Great Physician who cares for you always.)

If your painful anniversary isn’t medical related – there may still be people in your life who have come alongside you in your suffering that you could send a letter. A friend or a family member who listened well, or cried with you, or brought you a meal. The act of reflecting on how you were served, will build your faith in God – who orchestrated your care. It will remind you of how the Holy Spirit (your counselor and friend) walked alongside you. And it will increase your love of Jesus – who loves you so faithfully.

As you write thank you notes this week – may your weary heart be encouraged. And may the Lord continue to give you grace as you walk through painful anniversaries.